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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26205886">To be a Boy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookofSpells/pseuds/BookofSpells'>BookofSpells</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AU, Albus Potter is a Bean, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bisexual Male Character, Blow Jobs, Boys In Love, Descriptions of sex, Discussions of Femininity and Masculinity, Established Relationship, Fluff, Gay Male Character, Gender Non-Conforming Character, Gryffindor Scorpius Malfoy, Harry Potter Next Generation, Homophobic Language, Lack of Communication, M/M, POV Scorpius Malfoy, Romance, Scorbus, ScorbusFest2020, Slytherin Albus Severus Potter, Smut, Then Hug Him, These Boys are SO Clueless, You are going to want to pinch Scorpius, insecurities abound, m/m - Freeform, terms of endearment, with complications</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:02:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,854</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26205886</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookofSpells/pseuds/BookofSpells</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Scorpius’ life was perfect. He was talented at school, had the best friend anyone could ask for, and his boyfriend, Albus Potter, was making him happier than he’d ever dreamed possible. </p><p>But all of that began to unravel when suppressed insecurities are brought to light, causing Scorpius to question what it means to be a boy.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Scorpius Malfoy/Albus Severus Potter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>137</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Scorbus Fest 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>To be a Boy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarshavestories/gifts">Scarshavestories</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/motherofmercury/gifts">motherofmercury</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>😘</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Do you have any idea how much I love you?”</p><p>Scorpius shivered, goosebumps rising on his sweat slickened skin as the words were breathed into the back of his ear.  “Al… <i>ahh</i>,” he panted, marvelling at the feel of his boyfriend’s lube-coated fingers gently stretching him open. “Fuck, I love you too—<i>please.</i>”</p><p>“Not yet, sweetheart,” Albus whispered softly, rubbing slow circles into the small of his back with his other hand. “Want you to be ready.”</p><p>Scorpius swallowed down the whine of protest that threatened to escape his throat and focused on relaxing his muscles. He was more than ready—practically aching with need—but Albus was a gentle lover, and although Scorpius privately thought he could handle being treated a bit less delicately, he knew that Albus wouldn’t push forward until he was completely sure that Scorpius wouldn’t feel any discomfort. For Albus, it was never about fucking, it was about making love and relishing every moment of it.</p><p>Albus continued to trail languid kisses along Scorpius’ neck, back, and shoulder blades as his fingers curved and twisted inside him. “You’re so beautiful like this,” he praised, his tone thick with lust and adoration. “Want you so bad, baby.”</p><p>“Always want you,” Scorpius echoed, twisting his head around to capture Albus’ mouth in a messy kiss that was all brushing lips and slipping tongues.  </p><p>“Now,” Scorpius moaned when he couldn’t take it any longer, pushing his hips back so all three of Albus’ teasing fingers slid in past the knuckle. “Need to feel you.”</p><p>“Bloody hell, Scorp,” Albus choked out. “Are you sure?” </p><p>
  <i>“Yes.”</i>
</p><p>Albus groaned and pulled back to grip Scorpius’ thighs, lifting them off the mattress. One hand moved to Scorpius’ hip, holding him in place with a tight grip while Albus used the other to summon the bottle of lube and slicken his own neglected cock.</p><p>Pressing his chest into Scorpius’ back, Albus lined himself up and finally sank deep with one long, slow thrust. Scorpius gasped, his vision blurring as he felt himself stretch open around Albus’ thickness.</p><p>“Fuck baby, you feel so good,” Albus moaned, reaching to wrap his hand loosely around Scorpius’ leaking prick, stroking it in unison with his measured thrusts.</p><p>Albus’ knees were shaking in an effort to hold back from pushing forward too quickly, but Scorpius was having none of it; jolting his hips forward, he pressed back <i>hard,</i> fucking himself on to Albus’ cock at just the right angle to make his toes curl with pleasure.</p><p>For a moment, nothing existed other than the sounds of their laboured breath and Albus sliding in and out of Scorpius—grazing against <i>that</i> spot with every other stroke as their thighs slapped together rhythmically.  </p><p>Scorpius was so worked up that it only took a few minutes before his orgasm crashed through him and he was coming in spurts over the sheets, calling out Albus’ name. Albus soon followed, shooting his release into Scorpius’ throbbing arse and collapsing on top of him.</p><p>They laid there for several minutes, catching their breath, before Albus rolled off and pulled Scorpius into his embrace, their noses brushing together.</p><p>“Have I ever told you that you’re the sexiest bloke I’ve ever laid eyes on?” Albus asked in a sappy, satisfied voice. “It’s so hot when your makeup gets all smeared around your lashes during sex.”</p><p>Scorpius scoffed and attempted to wipe his face clean with the pillow case. “You’re so full of it.”</p><p>Albus grinned before vanishing the evidence of their love making. The moment the magic washed over them, he flipped Scorpius over with ease and crawled on top of him to pepper kisses across his cheeks and nose. “You bet I’m full of it; full of love, fondness, and an unwavering devotion to <i>my</i> beau.”</p><p>“Unwavering, huh?” Scorpius asked playfully. “Didn’t I catch you checking out McDougal’s arse the other day in Defense?”</p><p>Albus’ face twisted into a horrified grimace. “Urg, gross! He had Flobberworm Mucus on his robes. Everyone was looking. Do you really think I would go for that gargoyle?”</p><p>Scorpius laughed and nipped at Albus’ already bruising bottom lip. “No,” he replied. “But it’s hilarious to get a rise out of you.”</p><p>“Wanker,” said Albus, an adoring smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I really do love you; you know that, right?”</p><p>“I know,” Scorpius asserted before pulling Albus in for another kiss. Their lips moved together lazily, and not for the first time, it occurred to Scorpius that no matter how often they did this, he would never get enough. Albus’ kisses still left him as drunk with love and affection as they had the very first time their lips met. For as long as he lived, Scorpius knew he would look back at that day and remember it as the most romantic moment of his life.</p><p>It had been nearing the end of their sixth year and Scorpius was seated in the stands with his best friend Archie, watching the final match between Slytherin and Ravenclaw. His own house, Gryffindor, hadn’t made it to the final due to their prized captain, James Potter, graduating the year before, and Scorpius had only come along because Archie had made bets on the game and wanted to see it play out. Scorpius didn’t care much for sports and he certainly didn’t condone students gambling, but if it meant he could watch Albus Potter racing around in tight leathers… well.</p><p>Albus, whom Scorpius had only just started to get to know, was the popular, athletic son of a war hero, and Scorpius was the largely overlooked Charms prodigy who spent most of his time apprenticing with old Professor Flitwick (who complained loudly and frequently about Scorpius not being sorted into his own house).</p><p>It wasn’t until Flitwick had come to him a few months prior and urged him to tutor a fellow sixth year student that the two of them had spoken for the first time. Needless to say, Scorpius had fallen hard and fast for the charming, green eyed boy who turned out to be far more skilled at Charms than his in-class performance indicated.</p><p>In his wildest dreams, Scorpius had never imagined that his feelings could be reciprocated, even as Albus grew more and more flirtatious during their weekly study sessions. Albus was straight, gorgeous, and a macho athlete who was rumoured to have shagged at least half the girls in the castle, right? He couldn’t possibly want a hopeless, gay nerd who spent most of his pocket money on designer clothes and beauty products. They were opposites in every conceivable way.</p><p>However, when the game was over and the rest of the Slytherin team were bulldozing one another in celebration, Albus chucked his beater’s bat into the air and flew directly to where Scorpius was sitting in the stands. “I promised myself that if we won the House Cup, I would work up the courage to tell you how I feel,” he’d announced boldly, displaying more bravery than any Slytherin had a right to. “But I would rather <i>show</i> you.”</p><p>Scorpius was pulled into a kiss and time stopped. The world around him ceased to exist and there was nothing; nothing but Albus’ lips on his, Albus’ strong hands gripping his shoulders, Albus’ earthy scent invading his senses. </p><p>After what felt like a millennium of absolute and unbelievable bliss, Albus pulled back with an unspoken question sparking in his gorgeous green eyes. Scorpius could only nod in response, thoroughly incapable of speech.</p><p>Albus’ grin grew impossibly wide, brighter than the streaks of sunlight peeking over the horizon, and before he knew it, Scorpius was being hoisted up onto Albus’ broom.</p><p>“You owe me a Galleon,” he heard Albus shout into the audience as strong arms wrapped securely around his waist.</p><p>“A Galleon well spent.” Lily Potter emerged from the crowd with a knowing smirk and winked at Scorpius before turning toward her brother. “Your endless pining has been driving me batty. Now get out of here, before Scorpius comes to his senses.”</p><p>It felt surreal—even now, nearly seven months later—with Albus’ fingers carding through his wispy blond hair, pulling gently as they drowned in one another’s touch.</p><p>There was no world in which anyone expected Albus Potter and Scorpius Malfoy to fall so desperately and unapologetically in love. The immediate aftermath of their <i>very public</i> first kiss had been a bit of a whirlwind. The Daily Prophet ran a particularly nasty front page headline the next day and the students revelled in gossip for weeks. To the world, the two of them together seemed unfathomable, but to them, it was nothing short of destiny.  </p><p>Not once did Albus shy away under the scrutiny. He proudly walked through the corridors with one arm wrapped around Scorpius and the other holding their satchels. He sat defiantly with Scorpius during meals, amongst a sea of suspicious Gryffindors, and snuck Scorpius into the dungeon dorms as often as possible. He kissed him whenever he felt the urge and wasn’t at all bashful about pulling Scorpius into his lap or holding him close to whisper sweet nothings into his ear. Not a day went by that Scorpius wasn’t made to feel like a treasure.</p><p>Their parents were another matter entirely. Both Draco and Harry sprouted a few more grey hairs than was entirely normal that summer and the inevitable encounters between the two men never failed to become unbelievably awkward. Albus liked to joke that their relationship had taken ten years off their fathers’ life expectancies. Scorpius agreed, but was far too happy about their begrudging acceptance to care.</p><p>Albus and Scorpius were made for each other. </p><p>“What’s distracting you, baby?”</p><p>Scorpius looked up—grey eyes locking with emerald green—and smiled. “Nothing, just thinking about you.”</p><p>Albus laughed quietly, placing a chaste kiss to Scorpius’ temple before rolling onto his side and pulling Scorpius’ back flush against his chest. With a flick of his wand, he extinguished the floating orbs of light he’d conjured to illuminate the small space behind his bed hangings and draped the thick Slytherin-green duvet over them. “So, what were you thinking about me?”</p><p>“Hmm…” Scorpius sighed contentedly, snuggling closer. “How we got together.”</p><p>Albus’ hand found his underneath the cover and squeezed it firmly before entwining their fingers and resting them just above Scorpius’ navel. “Best day of my life,” he said, stifling a yawn.  </p><p>Scorpius couldn’t agree more.</p>
<hr/><p>It was difficult for Scorpius to drag himself out of bed the next morning. He hated leaving the comfort of Albus’ warm, sleeping embrace to sneak out during the wee hours and walk back up to Gryffindor Tower. But it couldn’t be helped. Scorpius had Prefect rounds before breakfast several days a week. Therefore, he had to be dressed for the day well before the other students did. </p><p>Albus often suggested that Scorpius should bring a change of clothes (or several) so that he could get ready in the Slytherin bathrooms, thereby saving himself the trip upstairs. But Scorpius suspected that Albus’ dorm mates wouldn’t be as tolerant of his products and styling tools as his own—who’d long since given in and allowed Scorpius to commandeer one of the three available cabinet vanities for himself.</p><p>If he were completely honest, it wasn’t only Albus’ dorm mates that Scorpius was concerned about. They would take the piss for sure, but getting ready in front of Albus unnerved him much more. It was one thing for Al to see the kohl that rimmed his eyes or the dewy flush of his skin, it was something else entirely for him to see the array of potions and Muggle beauty products it took for Scorpius to achieve that look. </p><p>Albie didn’t need to know about Scorpius’ meticulous, time consuming beauty regimen. He didn’t need to witness the careful hair removal charms that Scorpius cast on his arms, legs, and face every day. He certainly didn’t need to find out about the thrice weekly moisturizing facial masks that worked wonderfully, but made Scorpius look a bit like Frankenstein's monster while he wore them.  </p><p>Needless to say, they weren’t very sexy. </p><p>When Scorpius arrived at his dorm room, Archie—the only other early riser among the Gryffindor seventh years—was sitting up in bed, stretching his arms above his head. When he spotted Scorpius, he smirked, wiggling his eyebrows. “Another <i>sleepover</i>?” he asked in a mockingly suggestive tone. “That’s the fourth time this week. Next thing we know you’ll be getting fitted for Slytherin robes.”</p><p>“Bugger off,” Scorpius replied with a shy smile as he made his way to the bathroom. It was common knowledge that Scorpius, despite his heritage, didn’t have a Slytherin bone in his body. In a way though, he was glad that his boyfriend was. It made the whole <i>‘dating a Potter thing’</i> a little easier for his father to process. And Merlin knew that Scorpius had never been good at making things easy for Draco Malfoy.</p><p>Archie clambered into the bathroom behind him and headed directly for one of the shower stalls. “Do you have any more of that orange coloured stuff, the one that smells all tropical?” He asked, clearly trying a bit too hard to sound casual.</p><p>Scorpius regarded him curiously. “The papaya body scrub?”</p><p>“Er— yeah, that’s the one... I think. Can I borrow it?”</p><p>“You can,” Scorpius replied suspiciously. “If you tell me why.”</p><p>Archie sighed and averted his eyes, cheeks going pink as he ran his hand through his sleep-tousled brown hair. “Do you remember last week, when I ran out of soap and you let me use it?” Scorpius nodded. “Well, Jenny, the Ravenclaw girl I’m paired with in potions, told me I smelled nice and then her eyelashes went all… fluttery. I’m working with her again today, so I thought…”</p><p>Scorpius grinned knowingly and handed over the bottle. It had been a special order from Hawaii that had taken weeks, and more galleons than he was willing to admit, to have delivered through a Muggle shipping company, but if it helped Archie secure a date with the girl he’d—not so secretly—been pining over for months, it was hardly a sacrifice. “Keep it.”</p><p>“Thanks, mate,” Archie murmured gratefully before closing the door and turning on the tap. </p><p>Scorpius moved to the adjacent stall and climbed in as well, feeling more than a little pleased for his friend. Archie was the kindest person he knew, and although his social skills left something to be desired, he was universally adored for his quick wit, easy smile, and ability to dance on the line of acceptable behaviour without ever crossing it.</p><p>“What are you up to after class?” Archie half shouted over the spray of water. “Plans with Potter, again?”</p><p>Scorpius cringed inwardly, struck with guilt at the subtle implication. Before he’d started dating Albus, he and Archie spent all their time together and despite his best efforts, his friend had taken something of a backseat ever since.</p><p>“No, I’m free,” Scorpius lied. He knew that Albus expected them to spend time together after supper, but since they hadn’t explicitly made plans, he could spend the evening with Archie without feeling too bad. “Did you have something in mind?”</p><p>“Awesome!” Archie exclaimed gleefully. “You <i>have</i> to come with me tonight. The Hufflepuffs are doing a poker night and I want in.”</p><p>“What’s that?” Scorpius asked, not entirely sure he wanted to know the answer. Archie was forever getting them involved in shady, unsanctioned—though not officially against the rules—shenanigans; and if the mischievous glee in his voice was anything to go by, this was going to be one of those times.</p><p>“No need to sound so apprehensive, Scorp. It’s just a Muggle card game. You in?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m in. But only because I don’t think we’re likely to get hexed by Hufflepuffs if you get caught cheating.”</p><p>Archie gasped dramatically, and although Scorpius couldn’t see him, he imagined his friend clutching an invisible string of pearls over his heart, feigning affronted innocence. “I’ve never cheated at anything in my life, Scorpy-boy. You can’t <i>fault</i> me for taking advantage of perfectly legal loopholes.”</p><p>Scorpius laughed again. “Alright," he conceded, “I’m not carrying you up the steps if you smoke too much of that loopy grass Hufflepuffs are always passing around.”</p><p>Archie snickered. “Fair enough.”</p>
<hr/><p>“You missed breakfast again.”</p><p>Scorpius smiled gratefully and took the egg sandwich Albus handed him. “Thanks, love. I caught some of your lot trying to nick Gurdyroot from the potion stores,” he explained as Al took the seat beside him and scooted it closer. “Godric only knows what they were planning on using it for.”  </p><p>Albus’ eyes widened and the corners of his mouth began to twitch—an unmistakable sign he was trying not to laugh. “Slytherins, huh? Were they a couple of third years, by chance?”</p><p>“Yes?” Scorpius asked suspiciously. “What do you know?”</p><p>Albus cracked, his head rolling back with a booming chuckle as tears collected in the corners of his eyes. “Davies and I told them—” Albus hiccupped loudly, which only made him laugh harder. “We told them that if they brew it into tea on the full moon, it would get them pissed! I can’t believe they fell for it.”</p><p>Scorpius shook his head in his best attempt to appear disapproving. While Scorpius tended to keep to the rules whenever possible, Albus didn’t have any qualms about getting into mischief with his mates from time to time. Scorpius pretended he wasn’t impressed by their pranks, although he secretly found it endearing.</p><p>“Those kids lost your house twenty points,” Scorpius reprimanded, despite the fact that he was about two seconds from melting into a puddle of goo over his boyfriend’s adorably wide smile.</p><p>Al’s head fell onto Scorpius’ shoulder as his body continued to shake with amusement. “So worth it. I can’t wait to tell the—”</p><p>“Mr. Potter.” McGonagall’s sharp voice cracked through the air like a whip, startling them both. “As you know, this room is designated for the study of Transfiguration. You have plenty of time for mucking about and… <i>canoodling</i> with Mr. Malfoy outside of my class.”</p><p>“Of course, Professor,” Albus replied with a cheeky smirk. “Scorpius and I will contain our <i>canoodles</i> to more discreet areas of the castle.” Several students snickered behind their hands and Scorpius had to bite down on his lip to keep from doing the same. He’d been mortified the first time a teacher had chastised them for being overly affectionate in a public space. But it happened so often now that he’d practically become immune to it. </p><p>The moment McGonagall turned, waving her wand to post instructions on the blackboard, Albus took a sheet of parchment, scribbled a note, and slid it across the table to Scorpius.</p><p>
  <i>Speaking of more discreet areas… are you coming to my dorm tonight?</i>
</p><p>
  <i><strike>Yes.</strike> Actually, I can’t. I promised Arch that we would hang out. He wants to go play pokey, some Muggle game, in the Hufflepuff common room.</i>
</p><p>Al’s smile diminished slightly as he read and Scorpius knew it wasn’t because Albus didn’t want him to go, but because he would miss him. Albus understood how important it was to Scorpius that Archie didn’t feel ditched in favour of their relationship. From the beginning, it had been difficult for them to maintain a balance between each other and the rest of the world, considering how easily they tended to get lost in one another.</p><p>
  <i>Pokey? Sounds like a festive dance 😊. The password is Toad Liver – in case you decide to come after. Don’t worry about waking me up. I love you.</i>
</p><p>Underneath the words, Albus sketched a drawing of a dark-haired figure planting a kiss on a blushing blond boy with little hearts flashing around their heads.</p><p>“I love you too,” Scorpius mouthed, his heart fluttering with familiar affection as his cheeks mirrored that of the little doodle Scorpius.</p><p>Albus grinned fondly and transfigured the paper into a pink origami flower before tucking it behind Scorpius’ ear. “You’re so pretty,” he breathed, brushing his lips against Scorpius’ temple.</p><p>“That’s enough! Ten points from Slytherin and Gryffindor.” McGonagall flicked her wand, pushing their chairs several feet apart. The rest of the class broke into a fit of laughter while McGonagall muttered something that sounded suspiciously like <i>‘preferred it when Malfoys and Potters were hexing each other.’</i></p>
<hr/><p>After dinner, Scorpius kissed Albus goodnight, which resulted in them losing another five points each for being too ‘handsy’ in the corridor, and returned to Gryffindor tower to find Archie, who had, quite mysteriously, not shown up to the great hall that evening. </p><p>He found his friend on the floor beside his bed, amongst a mass of clothes—both Scorpius’ and his own—and a dusty leather-bound book entitled <i>Household Spells for the Interminably Imbecile.</i> There was a sheen of sweat across his brow and the black shirt he held was smoking faintly due to what appeared to be a botched ironing spell.</p><p>“Er—” Scorpius coughed to make his presence known. “You alright?” </p><p>Archie’s entire body sagged with obvious relief as he nodded. “Thank God you’re here! I need your help.” There was an unfamiliar edge to his voice, something like panic. “I talked to Jenny again today!” he exclaimed, as if this was supposed to explain why he had apparently gone to war with their laundry. </p><p>“That’s great, Arch,” Scorpius said, doing his best not to cringe as he realised that the tattered black shirt was in fact, his own; a one of a kind piece imported from Italy.</p><p>“I invited her to come out with us tonight and she said <i>yes</i>!” </p><p>Scorpius chuckled. Suddenly the impromptu wardrobe crisis made a lot more sense. </p><p>“So, you’re looking for something nice to wear, but you’re a hopeless pillock who requires my unique expertise. That it?”</p><p>“No need to be so smug about it, but yes,” Archie admitted sheepishly. “Girls like the way you dress… all dapper and what not. Do you think you can salvage this silky one? I stretched it to fit me, but that made it wrinkly and the smoothing spell didn’t quite take.” </p><p>“The fabric is too delicate to expand with magic,” Scorpius explained as he ruffled through the pile and extracted a navy-blue jumper. “Wear this with the tan blazer I got you last year,” he said, handing it over. “It fits you well and it won’t look like you’re trying too hard.”</p><p>“Thanks, mate,” Archie said appreciatively. “What would I do without you?” </p><p>“I shudder to think,” Scorpius teased.</p>
<hr/><p>Scorpius had been in the Hufflepuff common room only once before. Arianna Wilfred had snuck him in during his fourth year for a sleepover, which turned out to be an excuse for her and her girlfriends to gossip about the boys they fancied and give Scorpius a hideous makeover. He hadn’t gone back, reasoning that if he was going to be some girl’s token gay friend, he could at least find someone with a bit more personality. She had taught him how to perfectly apply liquid eyeliner though, proving that not all heroes are capable of compelling conversation.</p><p>The common room didn’t look much different now than it had back then: overstuffed armchairs, butter-yellow carpeting, and an abundance of nature themed artwork. The only difference was that several tables had been haphazardly pushed together in the center, and were littered with decks of playing cards and multi-coloured plastic disks.</p><p>As they arrived, several students that Scorpius didn’t recognise greeted Archie enthusiastically. He returned their high fives and shoulder claps with equal exuberance—referring to them by name.</p><p>For the first time, Scorpius realised that while he’d been spending the majority of his time with Albus, Archie had been out making new friends without him. At the moment, he wasn’t sure how he felt about that, but he knew he had no right to be bothered by it. So, he smiled cheerfully as Archie introduced him to the group.</p><p>“Does everyone understand the rules?” a small blonde girl named Belle asked when they were all settled, six to a table. Everyone other than Scorpius nodded.</p><p>“Don’t worry, mate,” Archie said. “I’ll help you through the first few rounds.”</p><p>It didn’t take Scorpius long to figure out why Archie enjoyed poker. While the card game appeared to require some amount of skill, it was largely based on the 'luck of the draw’ and one’s ability to bet strategically, no matter what cards they held. In other words, Archie was completely in his element and despite Scorpius’ initial apprehension, after a few rounds, he was thoroughly enjoying himself as well. </p><p>He was absolutely pants at it—no shock there. However, it was hard not to laugh along as various members of the group went to hilariously elaborate lengths to disguise their facial expressions. Some people conjured festive masks or cast disillusionment charms on their faces. One brave fifth year even went as far as transfiguring his head into a unicorn. </p><p>“In the Muggle world, players wear caps and dark sunglasses so that no one can see their unconscious reaction to the hand they’ve been dealt,” Archie explained. “Wizards have much more creative options!” </p><p>With all the butterbeers, shots of Firewhisky, and spliffs being passed around as freely as the pilfered snacks from the kitchens across the corridor, Scorpius was having so much fun that he had completely forgotten about Jenny’s imminent arrival. </p><p>Much to Scorpius’ surprise—and Archie’s too, judging my look on his face—Jenny hadn’t come alone. She was accompanied by Harold Quinn, a fellow seventh year and captain of the Ravenclaw Quidditch team.</p><p>Scorpius didn’t know much about him, other than the fact that he was incredibly fit, popular, and Albus despised him, which Scorpius assumed had more to do with their Quidditch rivalry than anything.</p><p>When Jenny spotted Archie, she smiled sweetly and waved, before making her way over to their table. Quinn followed close behind, looking out of place, as though he would rather be anywhere else.</p><p>“Hi, Archie. Having fun?” A pink tinge coloured her cheeks, Scorpius noticed, and he couldn’t help but smile. He’d been worried that she'd brought Quinn along as a date, though the shine in her eyes when she saw Archie suggested otherwise. </p><p>As his friend stuttered a shy response, Scorpius summoned another chair and placed it between them strategically—so that Jenny could sit beside Archie, but Quinn was forced to take a spot on the other side of the table. </p><p>One by one, the various players ran out of ‘chips’ until only Archie and a very serious looking fourth-year Hufflepuff remained. Scorpius, of course, had lost spectacularly. Although he’d at least lasted longer than Quinn, who sat sour faced and quiet for the rest of the game as though everything around him was particularly offensive to his superior presence. </p><p>Fortunately, Archie didn’t seem to notice the daggers that the other boy glared into him all night, and if he did, it didn’t diminish his happiness one iota. He was having the time of his life, raking in after every successful play like he knew he was meant to be there.</p><p>He looked good. Not that he didn’t always—Scorpius had been privy to that fact long before his own ‘gay awakening’—but something about tonight was different. Tonight, Archie practically shined. And Scorpius couldn’t help but to think that the new glow had something to do with the pretty brunette beside him. She didn’t just laugh at Archie’s off-color jokes, she did him one better each time.</p><p>It was easy to see her beauty. It was also easy to see her sharp wit, her charming smirk, and the hopeful smile on her lips whenever she thought Archie wasn’t looking.</p>
<hr/><p>The party died down quickly once Archie took his winnings with a none-too-modest bow and pulled Jenny away to whisper quietly in an armchair across the room. </p><p>Scorpius watched them for a moment, immensely pleased for his best friend. There had been a time, many years ago, when he wouldn’t have felt that way; back when he was first discovering his attraction to blokes. Needless to say, Scorpius had quickly developed a small crush on Archie. It didn’t take long, however, for him to realise that he was simply projecting feelings onto their friendship. Archie was a perfect friend to him in every way, but true romantic feelings had never been in the cards for them.</p><p>It had been something of a painful realisation to come to for a sad, hopeless thirteen year old. But Scorpius had learned a lot from it. Besides, he had Albus now and he knew that there wasn’t anybody he wanted more.</p><p>With that thought, Scorpius glanced back to his friend again, deciding that Archie was in very capable hands, and certainly wouldn’t mind Scorpius slipping off to the dungeons to see Al. </p><p>“Do you reckon she’s into him?” Quinn asked, pointing the neck of his butterbeer in the direction of Archie and Jenny. It was then that Scorpius noticed that he and Quinn alone remained at the table. </p><p>“Er– yeah, I don’t know her that well, but... she seems to be…” Unconsciously, his hand rose to tug at the ends of his hair. He really didn’t want to have this discussion with a boy he barely knew, and already disliked. Yet well-ingrained courtesy kept him in his seat.  </p><p>Quinn nodded slowly, as though he was deep in thought. “I can’t understand why,” he said after a moment, his lips turning downward into a bewildered frown. “I mean… I know his family is a big deal in the Muggle world, but he’s nothing special here. What do you think she sees in him?”</p><p>Scorpius bit down on his lower lip, holding back an angry retort. <i>‘He’s kind, funny, good looking, and a hell of a lot more interesting than you are,’</i> he thought bitterly. He was beginning to see why Albus and his mates didn’t care much for the handsome Ravenclaw Captain.</p><p>“I suppose you’d have to ask her,” Scorpius suggested, feigning polite indifference. He hoped that his dry disposition and tone would be enough to dissuade Quinn from further conversation. Unfortunately, he didn’t seem to notice.</p><p>Quinn’s eyes flicked away from the couple across the room and he regarded Scorpius curiously. “Birds never tell. Come on, you know what girls like. I mean, you practically <i>are</i> one. What appeal does Henry Archibald Blackwell <i>the second</i> have that’s so special?” </p><p>Scorpius startled. Harold Quinn wasn’t the first person to blurt something grossly insensitive regarding Scorpius’ tendencies toward femininity—and he certainly wouldn’t be the last—but he was the first to say it so blatantly while simultaneously insulting his best friend right in front of him. Quinn wasn’t even outwardly teasing Scorpius, he was practically <i>telling</i> him he was a girl; as though this were some sort of obvious, unquestionable fact.</p><p>“Archie is a wonderful person and I’m not a girl,” Scorpius replied flatly. </p><p>Quinn’s frown deepened and it occurred to Scorpius that he hadn’t been expecting such a vitriolic response. </p><p>“Well, I suppose technically you aren’t,” he said, having the utter <i>nerve</i> to sound defensive. “I’m not trying to be a dick or anything, but you’re dating Albus Potter—a straight guy. I just thought…” </p><p>Scorpius blinked stupidly for a moment, once again caught off guard by Quinn’s careless blantancy. </p><p>“I’m not a girl, nor do I wish to be,” he repeated firmly. “I like to dress and smell nice. That isn’t exclusive to women. Men and boys don’t have to fit into some socially constructed mold of masculinity to be valid. Also, Albus isn’t straight, he’s bisexual.”</p><p>Quinn snorted and put his hands up in mock quotations. “Bisexual, huh? Is that what he calls it—shagging half the birds in this school before deciding he likes his girls with a bit more cock?”</p><p>It was infuriatingly obvious by his easy, carefree smile, that Quinn didn’t have a clue how much of an ignorant prick he was coming across as. Scorpius’ impulse was to tell the backward-thinking twat where he could shove his unsolicited opinions. But he’d never been a particularly confrontational person, and as maddening as it was, Quinn had at least two stones on him, so even if he were so inclined, punching the tosser in the face wouldn’t be the smartest move. </p><p>Ultimately, he decided on nonchalance. “Don’t tell me you believe that petty gossip.”</p><p>“You’re delusional if you don’t!” Quinn laughed, emitting a booming sound that set Scorpius’ teeth on edge. “Potter has never shied away from willing minge, and they’re <i>always</i> willing for the saviour’s spawn. I hate to break it to you, Malfoy, but Potter is only into you because you doll yourself up like a pretty little princess and allow him to trot you around like a show pony. I assumed you knew that.” </p><p>Scorpius’ throat went dry and he found himself at a complete loss for words. Quinn on the other hand, who was now leaning back in his chair with a knowing smirk, seemed to be just getting started. </p><p>“Be honest with yourself. Potter likes girls. He’s been cunt deep in enough of them to prove that. If you didn’t wear all that makeup and let him carry your bag around like the dutiful little girlfriend that you are, he never would have looked twice at you.” </p><p>Scorpius’ hands began to shake underneath the table and he was sure he’d never been so thoroughly insulted in his life. Which was truly stunning, seeing as he was openly gay and a Malfoy. </p><p>He desperately wanted to flee, to just get up and walk away, but he was frozen in place. “You’re wrong,” he managed, hating how unconvincing the words tasted on his tongue. </p><p>“Am I?” Quinn asked smugly. “Because if there were two things I would be willing to bet every galleon in my family’s vault on, it’s this: first, Mr Muggle royalty over there,” he waved a flippant hand towards Archie “is nothing more than a passing fancy who Jenny will forget about the moment I decide I’m ready to pursue her, and second, Albus Potter would drop you like a scorched potato if you ever did anything that even remotely resembled manliness. It doesn’t take a genius to work out who’s doing the fucking in your relationship, and who’s <i>getting fucked</i>.”   </p><p>Scorpius felt a hot, angry blush rise from his neck to his cheeks, and his mouth fell open in shock. He was so dumbfounded, so utterly incensed, that his brain seemed to be short-circuiting. He’d never once spoken to Quinn before—or even given him much thought—but now, here he was, metaphorically reaching into the depths of Scorpius’ soul and exposing his insecurities as though he’d always known they were there. </p><p>“I—” </p><p>“Hey, Scorp!” </p><p>With a jolt, Scorpius looked up to find Archie and Jenny standing before him, hand in hand. “I’m going to walk Jenny back to Ravenclaw tower,” he said with a bright, smitten grin. “Do you want to come with us or are you headed down to the dungeons?” </p><p>Scorpius schooled his expression into a casual smile and shook his head. He could tell that they really wanted to be alone and the last thing he wanted to do was spoil Archie’s evening, especially since it seemed to be going so well. “No, thanks,” he replied with false cheer. “I’m knackered. Talk tomorrow?” </p><p>Archie’s grin grew impossibly wide. “Sounds good, mate.” With a wave, he pulled a giggling Jenny across the room and out the door.</p>
<hr/><p>When Scorpius made it back to his darkened dormitory, he quickly gathered his pyjamas from his trunk and slipped into the bathroom, careful not to wake his sleeping dormmates. </p><p>Part of him had desperately wanted to rush down to the dungeons, slip into bed with Albus, and forget all about Harold <i>bloody</i>Quinn. However, another part of him—a louder and far more vulnerable part—couldn’t bear the thought of seeing his boyfriend right now. 

Quinn’s words were still ringing in his ears, and sometime during the walk to Gryffindor tower, Scorpius’ anger and indignation had twisted into something much darker; something bitter and resentful. 

Is that what his classmates really thought of him? Is that what <i>Albie</i> thought of him? 

</p><p>Scorpius sighed heavily as he took in his own weary reflection in the mirror. Even with the despondent expression on his face, he looked good. As usual, his brows were perfectly plucked and tinted. His skin glowed from a combination of well placed highlighter and delicate Malfoy genes. His bright blond hair practically shined. </p><p>He was pretty… just like Albus always said.</p><p>Scorpius took a flannel, dampened it with a product removing potion, and began scrubbing his face vigorously; stipping off the layers of makeup and creams. He wasn’t ugly without those layers, far from it. He’d just never cared for the more masculine looking face that stared back at him when they were gone. </p><p>Scorpius knew all about gender dysphoria, transgenderism, and non-binary gender expression. He’d read about them when he was twelve, and looking for a title that seemed to fit. However, he hadn’t identified with any of them. He liked being a boy, he was comfortable with his body, and although he loved the feel of lace knickers against his skin, he’d never wanted to expand his wardrobe beyond high end, fashionable menswear. </p><p>It eventually became very clear to him. He was just a gay man who enjoyed the finer things that society tended to attibute to women; the smell of a nice candle, the smooth feel of matte gloss on his lips, and just a bit of mascara to thicken his naturally pale lashes. </p><p>He wasn’t a girl and he didn’t want to be. That’s what he’d said to Quinn, and that was the truth. So why was he so upset? </p><p>Quinn wasn’t the first person to imply that he was an obvious bottom. There had been whispers before that he’d never felt the need to address. One, because what he enjoyed in the bedroom was nobody’s business but his and Albus’. Two, well, it was true. Nothing he’d ever done had come close to matching the way it felt to have Albus looming over him, strong but gentle, sliding into him. </p><p>No, that wasn’t what had him so out of sorts, it was the implication that Albus would never be with him if he wanted to reverse that role… </p><p>
  <i>Albus Potter would drop you like a scorched potato if you ever did anything that even remotely resembled manliness.</i>
</p><p>Scorpius wanted to believe that wasn’t the case, but a nagging voice in the back of his head persisted. The truth was, Albus had never suggested that they switch things up. From the first time that they’d made love—behind a strong silencing spell in his room at the Manor—it had been assumed. </p><p>He didn’t necessarily want to top, even now the idea of it felt overwhelming. However, the thought that it might be a deal breaker in their relationship made him feel nauseous. </p><p>That though, was the least of his new-found concerns. Had Quinn had a point when he suggested that Albus would no longer be interested in him if he didn’t ‘doll himself up’? Would Albus still want him if he forwent the make-up and the perfumes that he loved? Albus complimented him on those things all the time. If they were suddenly gone, would he realise that he wasn’t that into blokes after all? What if <i>his</i> Albie couldn’t stomach the idea of making love to him without all of that?</p><p>It hit Scorpius then, like a ton of bricks, that he’d always harbored that particular fear. He just hadn’t allowed himself to think too deeply into it before now. </p><p>It was the reason he didn’t like to get ready in front of his boyfriend. It was the reason why he never let so much as a whisker go missed on his face. It was the reason that he let Albus pay for all of their dates, even though he usually had more money. It was the reason why he let Albie carry his bag—because Scorpius knew that it made him feel good.</p><p>Scorpius dropped the flannel into the sink when he realised that he’d scrubbed so hard, his skin had turned bright pink and blotchy. It would be slightly chapped the next day, he was sure. Normally that would send him racing to apply revitalization creams or, in a pinch, a well placed glamour charm. </p><p>He couldn’t bring himself to do it though. So instead, he climbed into bed and ignored the tingle of tears gathering in his eyes. For the first time in seven months, Scorpius didn’t fall asleep with a smile on his face.</p>
<hr/><p>The next morning, Scorpius woke feeling chilled despite the merry fire flickering in the corner. He’d gotten so used to sleeping with Al (who tended to burn like a blazing furnace at night) that his body had begun to feel void of warmth without him there. Although admittedly, it wasn’t just Scorpius’ body that seemed to have grown cold, something much deeper within him had turned icy as well. </p><p>Just as they had the night before, Quinn’s words played through his mind as he dragged himself out of bed and made his way to the shower.</p><p>A tingle of guilt washed over him. He wasn’t being entirely fair to Albus. Albus, who loved him. Albus, who’d done nothing, from the moment they’d gotten together, to prove otherwise. In fact, he’d taken more than his fair share of shite from jealous girls and the occasional unsupportive friend; proving over and over again that Scorpius was more important to him than anyone else.</p><p>Still, the things that Quinn had said hit far too close to home. Insecurity seemed to have injected itself into his bloodstream, quickly spreading through his body like a virus. And he was sick with it. </p><p>As he stood, lost in the hot spray of the shower, a dilemma waged war in his mind. He could go downstairs and meet Albie for breakfast. He could allow himself to be doted on, knowing that Albus would immediately pick up on his foul mood, and lavish him with affection until he coaxed out a smile. He could tell the love of his life all about Quinn’s abhorrent blather, and take comfort in the inevitable Quinn-centric verbal abuse that would follow. </p><p>He <i>should</i> let Albus reassure him, just as he’d done in the beginning when he was afraid that no one would accept them. </p><p>But ultimately, Scorpius wasn’t convinced that it would be enough to calm his fears. He couldn’t bear the thought of letting his insecurities fester, tearing him apart slowly from the inside out. He had to know, to be one hundred percent sure that Albus would love him no matter what. </p><p>When he stepped out of the water and toweled himself dry, he didn’t reach for his wand to remove the sharp prickles of hair covering his body. He didn’t take his coveted, magically enhanced comb and run it through his wispy, curling hair. The scented lotions that he carefully massaged into his arms and legs each morning remained capped, as did the subtle, shimmering highlighter that made his dull eyes pop. </p><p>Scorpius simply ran his fingers through his damp locks, like he’d seen his dormmates do every day since first year, and changed into his school robes. No hand-stitched, moroccan pashmina around his neck. No ruby or gold tie charm. Just the standard, school issued, Gryffindor uniform that every other boy in his house wore.</p><p>He almost didn’t recognise himself when he gazed, frowning, into the full body mirror he’d had installed. The reflection didn’t feel like him at all. It was as though he’d killed this part of himself long ago, except that it hadn’t actually died, and was now coming back to haunt him. </p><p>That wasn’t the case though. This was the real Scorpius Malfoy, in all his dimmed, unexceptional glory. If Albus still wanted him after seeing him this way—seeing a <i>boy</i>—then Scorpius would never have cause to question their relationship again.</p>
<hr/><p>In hindsight, Scorpius thought that he probably should have expected the confused, inquiring glances he received. He’d been so concerned about how Albus would react to his natural look, that he hadn’t stopped to consider how the rest of the school would respond.</p><p>Archie had slept in that morning, presumably having stayed out late with Jenny. So Scorpius didn’t encounter another person until midway through his morning prefect rounds. He was patrolling the fifth floor, still coiled tight with nerves, when he approached a group of Slytherin firsties creeping through the halls with what looked like a small, covered cage. </p><p>“What have you got there?” he asked assertively, stepping up behind them. </p><p>The children turned quickly, their eyes wide with the fright of being caught doing something out of line. The cage made a loud screeching sound—<i>pixies.</i></p><p>“What’s in the cage?” He demanded again, crossing his arms in an attempt to appear more authoritative. It wasn’t something that came naturally to him. </p><p>“We, er—”</p><p>“It’s, umm—”</p><p>
  <i>“Who are you?”</i>
</p><p>Scorpius turned to the smallest of the bunch and sent him a scathing look. “I am Scorpius Malfoy, a Prefect.” He pointed to his red and gold badge. “And I’ve asked you, what’s in the cage?”</p><p>To his surprise, the small boy puffed up his chest and smirked. “I <i>know</i> who you are,” he said condescendingly. “You’re Al’s boyfriend. Why do you look so weird?” </p><p>Scorpius gave the boy a detention mulching dragon dung in the greenhouses. </p><p>The confused looks didn’t stop there. He dutifully returned the pixies to Hagrid, who greeted him with a frown. “Malfoy?” he gruffed. “Yer lookin’ a bit peckish this mor’. Best go see the matron if yer feeling ill.” </p><p>Of course, Scorpius did feel ill. It just wasn’t the type of sickness that could be cured in the Hospital Wing. </p><p>He almost lost his nerve on the way back to the castle. Technically, he still had enough time to make it back to his dormitory and fix himself up before class. He’d miss breakfast, but that was fairly normal. Albie would bring him something to eat and kiss his pearlescent cheek. Nothing would change if Scorpius could live with that… </p><p>He wasn’t sure he could though. So he mustered every ounce of Gryffindor courage he possessed, and walked into the Great Hall.</p>
<hr/><p>Before Scorpius started dating Albus, his peers didn’t pay a lot of attention to him, and as an introvert, he was mostly content with that. Sure, he had received the occasional odd glance or off colour remark—he didn’t exactly look like the other boys his age—but all things considered, he existed quite happily in the shadows. </p><p>He had Archie, his charms work, and his hobbies: reading, owling his paranoid father daily, and perfecting his self-care routine. That all changed when Albus swept him off his feet, pulling Scorpius into his limelight. </p><p>Suddenly, their classmates were bizarrely interested in Scorpius. Their heads rose when he walked by, curious—or speculative—about the odd boy who had enraptured the beloved son of Harry Potter. </p><p>He had never enjoyed the extra attention, and today was no exception. </p><p>Dozens of eyebrows jumped up as he made his way to the Gryffindor table. Scorpius stoically ignored them, purposely avoiding eye contact. He didn’t even glance over to the Slytherin table, where he knew Al would be sitting with his friends. </p><p>That was their routine. Albus would sit with the Slytherins until Scorpius showed up. If Scorpius made it to the Great Hall, Al would come sit with him. If he didn’t, Al would wrap something up for him and bring it to class. Just one of the many, many amazing things about him. Yet, Scorpius couldn’t help but to wonder if today would be different... </p><p>“Hey, baby. I missed you last—” </p><p>His heart sinking, Scorpius looked up just in time to see Albus’ bright smile diminish into a worried frown. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Al sat down beside him, and pulled him into a fiercely tight hug. It was meant to be comforting, Scorpius was sure. However, it was anything but. Albus had reacted in exactly the way Scorpius feared he would. Not outright rejection or disgust, but disorientation. As though there was something inherently <i>wrong</i> with the way he looked. </p><p>Bitter tears stung at the corner of Scorpius’ eyes as he shoved Albus away. “I’m fine,” he snapped, surprising himself with the aggression in his tone.  </p><p>Albus flinched, the shock apparent in his widening eyes. The sight of it caused Scorpius’ stomach to twist with guilt, but the underlying anger he felt superseded it. “I’m fine… okay?” he repeated, as evenly as he could. He wasn’t fine, of course. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been <i>less</i> fine. It felt like a storm of emotions was raging in his mind, and he didn’t quite know how to brave them.</p><p>All he’d wanted was for his boyfriend to come up to him and snog him breathless, just like he always did. Like nothing was different. Like a dozen teachers weren’t watching them, ready to deduct house points. Like his lack of makeup and short stubble had gone completely unnoticed. Like those things didn’t, and never would, matter.</p><p>“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” Albus trailed off, a pained and confused expression on his face. He lifted a hand towards Scorpius, but dropped it before reaching out. “Are you upset with me?” </p><p>The fragile, desperate tone of his voice sent another hot wave of guilt over Scorpius’ body. Inside, he wanted to scream. He wanted to shout an apology to the heavens; to Merlin himself. He needed to take Albie’s limp hand in his own and pull him back. </p><p>But Scorpius didn’t do any of that. </p><p>“No,” he said instead, gathering his things. “I... I’ll see you later.”</p><p>Albus didn’t protest as Scorpius walked out of the Hall. He didn’t say a word when he sat down, and slid an English muffin across the table that they shared in Charms. He didn’t hold on to Scorpius’ hand throughout the lesson like he normally did. He didn’t speak at all. </p><p>He simply sat, head hung low and shoulders dropping. </p><p>Scorpius had never seen his fun-loving boyfriend look so defeated before, and the guilt of knowing he was responsible for it ate away at his conscience. With every tick of the clock, Scorpius fell deeper into his own misery, until eventually, he couldn’t take it anymore. </p><p>‘I’m sorry. I’m just having an off day… need a little space. I love you.’ he scrawled on a scrap of spare parchment before sliding it over to Al.</p><p>Albus’ gleaming green eyes raced across the paper and he released a breath of relief. When he looked up, his sympathetic expression was enough to melt Scorpius’ heart all over again. </p><p><i>‘I love you too,’</i> he mouthed silently, taking Scorpius’ hand under the table and squeezing it gently.</p>
<hr/><p>Things didn’t change much in the following days. Scorpius went back to his normal routine and Al, aside from being a bit more clingy, continued to dote on Scorpius the way he always had. The only difference was, Scorpius was suddenly very conscious of everything Albus did. </p><p>Whenever Al reached for his bag or held a door open for him, Scorpius cringed inwardly. He didn’t fully understand why he no longer enjoyed Albie’s chivalrous behavior, only that now it made him feel more vulnerable somehow. </p><p>He worried about other people’s perceptions. Were they all watching, giggling to themselves about Albus’s pretty little girlfriend with the paper flower in his hair? </p><p>There had been several people—<i>several girls</i>, he amended internally—who’d gushed over the way Albus treated him, expressing their jealousy, and desire to be treated like that by their own boyfriends. Most teenage guys didn’t hold a candle to Albus. So why couldn’t Scorpius just get over it and go back to feeling like the lucky boy he was?</p><p>Did he really care what other people thought? No. They were nothing, and Albus was everything. Which was exactly the problem, wasn’t it? Scorpius didn’t know what Albus thought. </p><p>He didn’t know if Albus would still love him if he suddenly became more assertive. He didn’t know if Albus would still be attracted to him if he didn’t maintain himself so carefully. He didn’t know if Albus would still desire him if he decided to take on a more dominant role in bed—occasionally. Truth be told the idea of it still left him feeling a little unsettled, but that wasn’t the point.</p><p>Scorpius desperately wanted to talk through these insecurities with Albus, he just couldn’t find the words. So instead, he found himself subtly avoiding him. He’d take different routes between classes, hide away in the library, or blame classwork for keeping him shut up in Gryffindor tower. </p><p>The frown, and defeated nod he received whenever one of these lame excuses fell from his lips felt like a dagger to the chest. It was deceitful, if not outright lying. However, he was confident that he could work through his feelings with time.</p><p>That’s how he found himself making the long trek down to the Quidditch pitch nearly a week after the incident with Quinn, broom in hand. </p><p>Scorpius did his best thinking on a broom, high in the air with the wind rushing past his ears and drowning out the otherwise noisy distractions. He was, despite appearances, a rather good flyer. His father had begun teaching him the moment he could walk. They’d soar across the grey skies of Wiltshire for miles at a time, whipping through the trees, racing the newest broom models before Scorpius had learned to properly tie his trainers. </p><p>The only time Scorpius ever saw a shred of disappointment in his father’s eyes was the day he admitted that he wasn’t interested in playing Quidditch for the school team. But Draco didn’t remain disheartened for long. He was happy as long as Scorpius still took the time to fly with him during the holidays. </p><p>Scorpius had just opened the grand door of the Entrance Hall, the chilly evening air cooling his face pleasantly, when a familiar voice sounded off behind him. </p><p>“Babe?” Scorpius froze. “I thought you were studying.”</p><p>Scorpius turned to find Albus, jogging towards him with a questioning frown on his bitten lips. </p><p>“Al,” he squeaked in surprise. “Yeah, I was. I er— needed some air. What are you doing here?”</p><p>“I just came from Gryffindor Tower looking for you.” Albus’ eyes fluttered down to the broomstick Scorpius was holding, and instantly his expression brightened considerably. “Are you going flying?”</p><p>Albus’ obvious excitement caused Scorpius’ stomach to flip uncomfortably. He’d been trying to get Scorpius back on a broom with him since their first kiss, but Scorpius had made excuses, subtly underselling his talent and his level of comfort in the air. Albie was the star on the pitch. The one that the crowds went wild for... </p><p>“Oh… Just a quick spin—”</p><p>“Can I come?” </p><p>The moment the words leaped from Albus’ eager mouth, Scorpius knew he couldn’t say no. The emerald of Al’s wide irises were practically sparkling with anticipation and his brows had risen comically, pushed high by his toothy smile. It was the look that so often made Scorpius’ heart leap into this throat. A look of pure, unadulterated happiness that made him feel like he was gazing openly into the sun. And the sun was looking right back, filling him with energy.</p><p>“You can…” Scorpius paused for dramatic effect, relishing in the unexpected exuberance he now felt “...If you can catch me.” </p><p>Without waiting for a response, Scorpius turned and darted off towards the pitch, running as fast as he could in the stiff, Italian leather loafers his father insisted on. </p><p>“Oi! You tricked me!” He heard Al laugh out, before the sounds of his feet pounding into the grass—hot on Scorpius’s heel—followed. </p><p>There were many reasons to love Albus Potter, but this was by far one of Scorpius’ favourite qualities. Al played as fiercely as he loved. There wasn’t a witch or wizard alive who possessed the magic required to help Scorpius win in a foot race against Al. It didn’t matter though. Scorpius liked being caught just as much as Albus liked catching him. </p><p>Sure enough, Albus caught up with him in seconds, wrapping his arms around Scorpius’ waist and pulling him in close. “Cheater,” he breathed into the crook of Scorpius’ neck with a laugh, drawing a giggle out of him as well.</p><p>It felt amazing being wrapped up in Al’s embrace after so many days, so Scorpius happily allowed himself to be turned around and kissed tenderly on the nose. His lashes fluttered automatically as he inhaled Albus’ familiar, earthy scent.</p><p>“Missed you.” It wasn’t an accusation, just a genuine declaration. Still, Scorpius felt another twinge of guilt, which he ignored in favor of capturing Al’s lips with his own.</p><p>They should have talked, he knew. But they were teenage boys, and a week without sex may as well have been an eternity. Their kiss quickly turned heated and desperate, pushing all other thoughts aside.</p><p>“The s-stands?” Albus suggested, his raspy voice catching when Scorpius’ hands began wandering downward. </p><p>He nodded and took Albus by the arm, pulling him along. There wouldn’t be anyone out so close to curfew, and the darkness would provide enough cover for a quick romp. If it didn’t, well, it wouldn’t be the first time their parents had been written to regarding their salacious behavior. </p><p>By the time they reached a secluded spot in the Hufflepuff section of the Quidditch stands, Scorpius’ skin was hot and itching with need. Albus was always handsome; broad shoulders, thick, muscled arms, and a rich olive skin tone that contrasted beautifully with Scorpius’ own. However, the moonlight washing over him, and the stars reflecting in his eyes, stirred something new and primal within Scorpius.</p><p>“What do you want, baby?” Albus asked, as he trailed hot kisses along Scorpius’ neck. </p><p>“Want your mouth,” he replied boldy, letting the broom fall from his grip and leaning against a barrier wall for support. </p><p>Al answered him with a mischievous grin, giving Scorpius a final kiss on the lips before dropping to his knees to work open his belt. </p><p>It hadn’t always been like this. The first time Al had gone down on Scorpius, he’d seemed unsure… like he was questioning whether or not he could actually go through with it. He hesitated for so long that Scorpius briefly considered running out of that alcove with his trousers around his ankles. That, surely, would have been less embarrassing than ever having to face Albus again. </p><p>In the end though, Albus had eased forward, taking Scorpius into his mouth with a clumsy tongue and a bit too much teeth. Despite his obvious inexperience, Scorpius only lasted about 45 seconds before he hastily pushed Al away, coming all over his chin, and Slytherin tie. </p><p>Albus had looked so proud after—and a bit dazed—like he’d just won the Quidditch World Cup and couldn’t believe his luck. Scorpius felt like someone had hit him with a Confundus Charm, a stunner, and a Jelly-Legs Jinx all at once.</p><p>They’d come a long way in seven and a half months, yet some things hadn’t changed. Albus hadn’t changed. His technique had improved, but he still sucked cock like he made love: gentle, soft, <i>restrained.</i> </p><p>His mouth felt like warm velvet, delicately encompassing Scorpius’ cock. The strong, now sure, strokes of his tongue were enough to reduce Scorpius to a babbling mess in minutes, but he wanted more. </p><p>It was then that it hit him—harder than it ever had before. Scorpius had always wanted a little bit more from Albus; more heat, more fervor, and a lot less hesitancy. </p><p>He wanted the fingers gently gripping his arse to dig in, unconscious of the marks they’d leave behind. He wanted Albus to be so eager that he didn’t bother to stop and caress his thighs lovingly or stroke the sensitive spot below his bollocks. He wanted to be taken hard, recklessly because he could handle it. He needed to show Albus that somehow, and maybe that meant showing a little less restraint himself. </p><p>“More,” Scorpius moaned, slotting his fingers into Al’s unruly hair. </p><p>Al took the hint to a degree, taking Scorpius slightly deeper into his mouth and tightening his grip on him. It felt so good that Scorpius’ body jerked in response, his dick grazing the back of Al’s throat. </p><p>“Fuck, baby,” he cursed loudly. “Like that.”</p><p>Al didn’t appear to be perturbed at all. In fact, his expression was downright predatory as he pulled back and replaced Scorpius’ cock with his fingers, slickening them with his tongue before reaching back to tease his fluttering hole. </p><p>The sensation sent goosebumps up Scorpius’ spine. He bloody loved being finger fucked while Albus sucked him off. </p><p>Spurred on by Albus’ positive response, Scorpius pulled him forward again by the hair. Normally, he let Al control his own movements; relinquishing control while Al took him apart bit by bit. Tonight though, his body was screaming at him—<i>take. Take what you want.</i></p><p>So he did. When Albus pressed the pad of his finger against Scorpius’ sensitive prostate, he thrusted hard—<i>once, twice</i>—shooting his release down Albus’s unbelievably tight throat. </p><p>He had less than a second to enjoy the tremors of his orgasm, however, because Al sat back quickly. His eyes filled with tears as he began to cough like he was choking. </p><p>Without regard to the trousers still hanging loosely around his thighs, Scorpius dropped to his knees and gripped Al’s shoulders. “Merlin, Al,” he rushed. “Are you alright?” </p><p>“It’s okay—” Albus coughed again, his face red and blotchy. “I—” he turned his head to spit over his shoulder, his harsh breathing evening out somewhat. “I wasn’t expecting... that.” </p><p>Albus’ lips turned up in a forced smile. He looked rattled, like he wasn’t sure what had just happened, and he definitely hadn’t liked it. There was a crease in his brow, an expression that Scorpius recognised from when his boyfriend was confused, but didn’t want to show it.</p><p>“Shit. I’m sorry, love,” Scorpius pleaded, shame flooding through him as he wiped away a bit of dribble on Al’s chin. “I got carried away. I hurt—”</p><p>Albus silenced his babbling with a kiss. “I’m fine,” he said pointedly. “C’mon, let's get back to the castle before Filch nabs us.” Standing on shaky knees, Albus reached out a hand to help Scorpius up. </p><p>They didn’t speak as Scorpius rearranged his clothes, but the air felt thick around them. They both knew that Al didn’t give a damn about curfews or getting busted by Filch. The old man was nearly senile and could easily be outrun. No. Albus wanted to get away from what had just happened.</p><p>Silently, he picked up Scorpius’ broom and saddled it—still looking pensive behind his fake smile—and motioned for Scorpius to climb on behind him.</p><p>It was a harmless move, really, something Scorpius wouldn’t have thought twice about before, but in that moment, irritation ripped through him like a serrated edge. The guilt that he had been feeling fell away instantly and was replaced with the same, frustrating self-consciousness he’d been feeling all week. “I can fly, you know? <i>Better than you.</i>” </p><p>Albus blinked, mouth falling open in surprise, and for the first time, Scorpius truly understood the old saying; ‘eat your words’. He wanted to grab them out of the air and cram them back down his throat, along with the bitter tone they’d come out with. Instead, he looked away.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Scorpius said regretfully. He shuffled on his feet, unwilling to meet Albus’ eye. “I didn’t mean that. I just wanted to fly alone tonight.” </p><p>There was a pause; seconds that felt like a millennium before Albus responded. “No. I should be the one to apologise. I didn’t mean to ruin your night.” Scorpius looked up then and his breath caught painfully in his throat. Albus’ eyes were shining in the moonlight, tears threatening to spill over.</p><p>He climbed off of the broom and held it out timidly. “I know I’ve been clingy lately.” Scorpius took it with trembling fingers, at a loss for words. “You’ve been pushing away and I haven’t given you any space because I…’ His voice broke, and rather than continuing his thought, he looked down. “I’ll leave you alone until you are ready to talk.”</p><p>The profound silence of the night was so unforgiving that Scorpius could hear Albus’ weak sob as he turned around and walked away.</p>
<hr/><p>Albus was a sensitive bloke. Scorpius discovered this early on in their relationship. Sure, he presented himself in a certain way. He was the son of Harry Potter and often acted the part. However, when it was just the two of them, he was an open book, never afraid to show his vulnerabilities.<br/>
.<br/>
He liked to cuddle and take long walks around the lake. He liked to hold hands and kiss Scorpius’ cheek. He liked to talk about his family, gushing about James and Lily’s most mediocre accomplishments. Above all though, he liked to be told he was loved. </p><p>In the beginning, Scorpius had thought it was strange. Albus had a massive family, in which hugs and affections were never in short supply. Endearments were handed out as freely as Hors d’œuvres at a dinner party, and yet, Albus never did seem to get enough of them. It was as though he craved Scorpius’ affections. Equally, he never seemed to tire of expressing his own fondness. Which was part of the reason why the next few days were so difficult. </p><p>It was abundantly clear that Albus wasn’t taking their <i>‘time apart’</i> particularly well. During meals, he moved his food around his plate absently before leaving early, only looking across to Scorpius on his way out. The two still sat together in class, Albus inquiring about Scorpius’ day and little more. He kept his distance in the corridors, avoiding the library when he knew Scorpius would be there. For the first time since they’d started dating, Albus didn’t seek him out for a kiss goodnight. </p><p>Staying away was nearly impossible, especially when Scorpius noticed the dark circles blooming underneath his boyfriend’s eyes. All he wanted to do was run up to him and kiss the despondent smile off of Albus’ face. He didn’t though, he couldn’t. </p><p>Scorpius knew he’d been in the wrong. He’d been unnecessarily rough with Albus, he’d insulted him, and he’d let the boy he loved walk away, confused and upset, still not knowing what he’d done wrong. But Scorpius’ stubborn pride wouldn’t allow him to make amends just yet. </p><p>He was pissed off. </p><p>Albus had no right to assume that he could take Scorpius’ broom. He had no right to invite himself along that night when Scorpius hadn’t asked or wanted him too. He certainly had no right to act like a wounded unicorn when Scorpius became a bit too enthusiastic. Sex was supposed to be messy sometimes. <i>Right?</i> </p><p>Whether it was conscious or not, Al had put too much pressure on Scorpius; pressure to look a certain way, to act in a certain way, and even to show affection in a certain way. </p><p>He’d been treating Scorpius like the delicate one, when in fact, it was Albus who was overly sensitive, Albus who cried when he got his feelings hurt, and Albus who treated ‘love making’ like an inviolate event—not unlike the cheesy romance novels his gran read. </p><p>And yet, no one would ever call Al a girl. No one would ever use his classically ‘feminine’ traits to belittle or humiliate him. He was a Quidditch star. He was exactly what society wanted boys to be. </p><p>Maybe, just maybe, Scorpius resented him a bit for that.</p>
<hr/><p>A full week came and went. With each passing day, Scorpius found himself growing more and more despondent. Slowly, it was beginning to occur to him that he’d never been this lonely before. He missed Albus something awful, but whenever he told himself it was time to talk, he would lose his courage. Would Al even want to talk anymore? </p><p>Perhaps if Scorpius had someone else to talk to he might feel better about it all, but the only person he trusted was Archie, and he stubbornly refused to involve his friend. </p><p>Archie, in stark contrast to himself, was happier than Scorpius had ever seen him. He’d been spending all of this spare time with Jenny; oblivious and immersed in the euphoria of a new relationship.</p><p>Scorpius had been there himself not too long ago. It seemed unfair, hypocritical even, to encroach on Archie's happiness with his own problems. So, when Archie snuck into the dorm late at night, Scorpius made sure that his curtains were drawn, knowing that Archie would assume he was with Al and go straight to bed. </p><p>When he wasn’t hiding behind his own drawn curtains, he was in the library pouring over charms texts he’d read dozens of times before. That’s where Quinn found him late one afternoon as he sat alone, inwardly rehearsing a lame apology to Albie. </p><p>“Fancy seeing you here, Malfoy.” </p><p>Scorpius cringed visibly. “What do you want, Quinn?” </p><p>Quinn chuckled and sat down across from Scorpius, looking far too cheery. “What’s with the attitude, Malfoy? I only meant to check up on you. The whole school is whispering about a lover’s tiff between you and Potter. I was concerned.” </p><p>Scorpius’ skin began to heat, either from anger or embarrassment, he wasn’t sure. “Nobody is whispering and there was no tiff,” he lied. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve assignments to finish.” </p><p>Once again, Quinn laughed airily, his expression infuriatingly smug. “We both know that’s not true. You haven’t been seen together in days. Do you want to know what I think?”</p><p>Squaring his shoulders, Scorpius glared at him. “Not at all,” he ground out. </p><p>Quinn continued unperturbed just as Scorpius suspected he would. “I think our little heart to heart last week oiled up some of the rusty gears in your head and got you to thinking. I think you realised I was right, and that Potter is a pompous prick who’s somehow managed to convince everyone that he’s a bloody saint, when if fact, he’s nothing but a—”</p><p>“Shut up,” Scorpius shouted, rage pumping hot through his veins. “Shut the fuck up. You don’t know a damn thing about Albus!” A small crowd had begun to form around the two of them but Scorpius didn’t care, he was shaking with venom. “You’re just a miserable cow who can’t stand to see other people happy. That’s why Jenny will never want you.” </p><p>The moment the words fell from Scorpius’ mouth, he knew he’d made a mistake. The snarky smile fell from Quinn’s face and was quickly replaced with a deadly scowl. His face and neck turned an alarming shade of red as he stood up, violently kicking his chair back into a group of third years listening on. “You little fagg—”</p><p>Then suddenly, before the slur managed to leave his lips, a fist came out of nowhere, colliding with Quinn’s cheek and knocking him to the floor with an audible crack. Shocked, Scorpius looked up to find Albus, hovering over the crumpled Ravenclaw looking every bit as incensed as Scorpius felt. </p><p>“I swear to Merlin, if you ever talk to my boyfriend like that again, they’ll be fishing bits of you out of the Great Lake,” Albus growled. </p><p>For the first time since Scorpius had met him, Albus looked… ugly. His features were twisted with fury, his balled fist trembling like a bomb, seconds away from exploding.</p><p>Quinn scrambled to his feet, blood dripping out of his nose and mouth. “This isn’t over, Potter,” he threatened, before fleeing the library—just in time for the young new librarian, Mr. Hahn, to arrive at the scene. </p><p>“What is the meaning of this?” he screeched at the group of children. “This is a bleeding library, not a house party. If you aren’t here to study, I suggest you take this back to your dorm. NOW!” </p><p>The students quickly scurried away, but Scorpius hardly noticed. He’d been frozen with shock since Albus arrived. What he did notice was the immediate change in Albus’ demeanor. </p><p>“Baby, are you okay?” Albus rushed over, wrapping Scorpius in his arms protectively. Scorpius' body desperately wanted to sink into the comforting embrace, he’d missed Albus so much, but his mind was screaming something entirely different. For the first time, Scorpius was afraid of his boyfriend. Unnerved...</p><p>“That guy is a fucking pillock. Please, don't listen to him, I—”</p><p>“OUT!” Hahn bellowed.  </p><p>Without another word, Albus pulled Scorpius out of the library and into an enclave nearby. They sat down, still shaken from the encounter, but when Albus attempted to pull him in for another hug, Scorpius flinched, pulling away. </p><p>“How could you do that?” he whispered, not meeting Albus’ eye. “You can’t hurt people like that. Merlin, Albie, for a second I thought… I thought…” </p><p>The truth was, Scorpius didn’t know what he thought. He’d just seen a side of his boyfriend that he never could have imagined existed. The Albie he knew would never hit someone, would never threaten someone, would never hurt someone on purpose—even a nasty prick like Quinn. Al’s behavior had been possessive, brutish… completely uncalled for. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Albus said, though he sounded anything but. “Honestly though, he had it coming. You don't know him like I do, Scor. The things he’s said to me on the pitch. He’s the worst sort of twat.”</p><p>“So that makes it okay to punch him?” Scorpius deadpanned. </p><p>Scorpius expected Albus to look guilty, or even apologetic. He didn’t. Instead, his forehead drew into an indignant stare. “Yes, it does. I was protecting you.”</p><p>“I don’t need your bloody protection.” Scorpius stood, his anger rising again. He ignored the flash of hurt in Albus’ eyes, batting away the hand that reactively reached out. “You don’t get it do you?” he continued. Hot tears began to blur his vision, Scorpius ignored that too. “I can take care of myself. I don’t need you to haul my things around the castle, I don't need you to stand up for me against bullies, and I certainly don’t need you to treat me like I'm made of glass. I’m not some damsel in distress and I’m not a fucking girl!”  </p><p>Scorpius watched as Albus visibly deflated. His shoulders hunched, and he looked small. His mouth opened, but no sound came out. He closed it, then opened it again, clearly at a loss for words. It was then that Scorpius realised that not only had he failed to make his point, he’d hurt Albus once again with his outburst. </p><p>Albus had no idea why Scorpius was so upset, and it was nobody’s fault but his own. The gnawing guilt he’d been feeling all week sank like stones in his stomach. It was as though Scorpius were standing a few feet away from himself, watching as he made a complete mess of the best thing that had ever happened to him, but was powerless to stop it. “I can’t do this right now,” he said feebly.  </p><p>For a moment, it looked like Albus might cry again. Scorpius couldn’t stand it, so he turned heel and left with the bitter knowledge that he’d probably just lost everything.</p>
<hr/><p>An hour later found Scorpius wallowing in self pity beneath the Gryffindor duvet his father had begrudgingly gifted him in first year. On his bedside table was a small, beautifully wrapped package from Albus that must have arrived sometime while he was at the library. A peace offering, he reckoned, and most likely the reason Albus had sought him out to begin with. </p><p>Albus had come to the library to patch things up—clearly—and as fate would have it, walked in at just the right moment to overhear his argument with Quinn. </p><p>Scorpius had never been particularly athletic, but if self loathing were a sport, he’d easily take home the cup. </p><p>“Scorpius? Are you in here?”  </p><p>Looking up from his scrunched pillow, Scorpius found Archie leaning in the doorway of their dorm, a tentative frown on his face. </p><p>“I’m here,” Scorpius replied apathetically. “Is everything okay?”</p><p>“Course’,” Archie replied, moving into the room. He shut the door behind him and locked it. “I wanted to talk to you.” </p><p>Scorpius sat up with a resigned sigh. His argument with Quinn would surely be all over school by now. Of course Archie would check in. He should have expected it. Although at this point, the truth was likely lost to a wild tale involving an epic duel, blazing wands, or some other such nonsense. </p><p>“I guess you heard about the thing with Quinn. Don’t worry, it wasn’t a big—”</p><p>“Are you going to break things off with Albus?” </p><p>Scorpius paused, his mouth clamping shut. That was the very last thing he’d been expecting Archie to say. “What?” he managed, after a moment of stunned silence in which he felt his throat close up slightly. </p><p>Archie sat down at the end of his bed and fixed Scorpius with an imploring stare. “He came to me, he’s going out of his mind. He thinks you are going to ditch him. Bloody hell, Scorp, why didn’t you tell me? I thought you were happy. I... did he do something?” The angry, pink tinge on Archie’s cheeks would have been comical if the expression that came along with it weren’t so serious. </p><p>Scorpius took a deep breath, blinking a few times to stave off the fresh tears welling up. “No,” he admitted, clutching onto his pillow like a child's plush toy. “It was me, Arch, I’ve ruined everything.” </p><p>It was a bit like a dam breaking, water bursting through the cracks as Scorpius spilled his guts. He told Archie everything; Quinn’s cruel words, the insecurities that followed, his frustrations with Albus, the incident in the library… everything. He barely paused to take a breath, but when he did, Archie summoned a moist flannel from the bathroom and handed it to him. </p><p>“Your mascara is running,” he said simply.</p><p>Scorpius took it, rubbing at his eyes. “I’m an idiot, aren’t I?” he asked quietly. </p><p>Archie sighed heavily. “Yeah, mate.” </p><p>Nose tingling with the threat of more tears, Scorpius felt an intense wave of regret wash over him. “Why am I still angry at him?” he asked with a hint of desperation. He absolutely knew that he was in the wrong, had been from the beginning, but still, the feeling of resentment lingered stubbornly. </p><p>“You aren’t angry at Albus, Scorp.” Archie pulled the pillow away gently and tossed it to the side. Then, he took the flannel and dabbed along Scorpius’ cheeks, wiping away the make-up that he’d missed. “You're angry at Quinn for belittling you. Mostly though, you're angry at yourself.”</p><p>“But—”</p><p>“No.” Archie drew back. “Listen to me. Do you remember the day after you and Albus first kissed?” </p><p>Scorpius nodded, his stomach filling with butterflies as he recalled the morning. Albus had walked right up to the Gryffindor table and sat down beside him, completely oblivious to the whispers and gawking students in the Hall. </p><p>“After breakfast, the two of you stood up.” Archie smiled, as if he was remembering it just as fondly as Scorpius was. “You were so nervous, but then, he reached out for your bag and you nearly melted to the floor. I could see it in your eyes, Scorp. You were so happy.”</p><p>On this point, Scorpius couldn’t argue. He had been flattered. For the first time in his life, a gorgeous boy had taken notice of him. His sweet, sweet Albie had wanted to make him smile. And he had, like a fool.</p><p>“You love that sort of thing,” Archie continued, still smiling knowingly. “You love his cheesy romantic gestures. You love the little notes he writes and the flowers he sends. You like holding his hand and infuriating the staff with all your endless snogging. The two of you are absolutely gross, but it works. At least, it did until you let someone else get into your head. As your best friend, it’s my duty to tell you that you’re being an astronomical twit.”</p><p>Fuck, Archie was right. Of course he was right. </p><p>“Just because Albus dated girls before you, doesn’t mean that’s what he wants from you too. If you’ll recall, none of those relationships lasted more than a couple of weeks. You’re the person he wants. And he wants you exactly the way that you are. </p><p>“What do I do?” Scorpius asked miserably. </p><p>“You might start by talking to him.”</p><p>“I can’t!” Scorpius insisted. “The way I’ve treated him. He’ll never forgive me. I’ll be surprised if he ever talks to me again.” </p><p>“I have a feeling that he will.” </p><p>“How do you know?” Scorpius cried. </p><p>“I gave him the new password,” Archie admitted sheepishly. “He should be here soon.” </p><p>Scorpius’ heart nearly flew out of his chest. “What?” he screeched in horror, scrambling out of bed. “He can’t see me like this!” </p><p>Archie chuckled as Scorpius slid on socked feet into the bathroom. “I’ll leave you to it.”</p>
<hr/><p>Scorpius had just enough time to hastily correct his streaked foundation before Albus arrived </p><p>“Scor? Babe?” Came a whisper through the crack. “Can we talk? Please?” </p><p>“Okay.” </p><p>Albus looked relieved as he stepped inside, but that look faded into insecurity as he approached Scorpius’ bed. “I can’t believe I’ve never been here before,” he said quietly, shuffling his feet. He looked around at the dorm pensively... “S’nice.”</p><p>“Thanks. Er— Do you want to sit down?” Scorpius invited, gesturing towards the space beside him. Albus nodded before sitting at the end of the bed, several feet from Scorpius. He crossed his hands in his lap and looked down at the floor. </p><p>“What I did today…” From the side, Scorpius could see Albus’ cheeks darken. “It wasn’t okay. I just… when he said that to you, I… I snapped. I’m so sorry, Scorpius.”</p><p>His head dipped further with shame, and there was a brokenness to his voice that clawed at Scorpius’ conscience. He’d let this happen, had been the cause of it all, but Albus was here, apologising to <i>him.</i></p><p>Tentatively, Scorpius reached out and took Albus’ hand, entwining their fingers together loosely. It was a selfish gesture, because he knew that once he talked to Al—once he truly opened up—he might never be able to touch him like that again. </p><p>Scorpius was terrified, but he couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I haven’t been honest with you, Albie.”</p><p>Albus looked up then, meeting his eyes with a quizzical glance. Scorpius swallowed hard, forcing himself to formulate the words that he hadn’t been able to string together before. “Today, in the library, it wasn’t the first time Quinn and I have talked.” </p><p>It wasn’t as easy as it had been before with Archie. There was no word vomit, no waving hands or poorly strung, half shouted sentences. This time, it was much more difficult to put his feelings out there. Still, Albus listened intently, never interrupting as Scorpius articulated every single insecurity he’d felt since that night at the poker party. </p><p>“I couldn’t stop thinking about the girls that came before me,” Scorpius admitted, struggling to keep his voice from cracking. “I couldn’t help but wonder if that’s what you really wanted.</p><p>“You’ve been so good to me, Albie. But sometimes, the way you treat me, I… I love it. I love you. I just don’t know if you would still love me without...” Scorpius waved his hand over his face and down his body, which was clad in a soft, blue satin pajama set that Scorpius had picked up from an expensive ladies boutique in London, “...all of this.” </p><p>Scorpius stopped then, emotion clogging his throat. He looked down at himself, remembering the day he’d bought those pajamas. He thought about how much Al loved them; the first time Albus had unbuttoned the top…</p><p>It was all too much, but Albus hadn’t let go of his hand. He held it more firmly. Even as Scorpuis admitted to his most egregious sin. “He said that you were straight. That you only looked at me because I look like a girl. I… I believed him.”</p><p>Albus took a slow breath. “Do you still believe him?” he asked somberly, his voice brittle. </p><p>“I don’t know,” Scorpius answered honestly. </p><p>Albus pulled him closer then, so that their faces were only a hairbreadth apart. “When I look at you, I don’t see a girl.” Albus pushed a stray hair aside, but he didn’t look away. “I just see you, Scorpius. I see the beautiful boy I fell in love with.”</p><p>Albus paused, taking a deep breath before he continued. “I’ve never told you this before, but I was scared at first. I was confused about my feelings for you. I’d never been attracted to a boy before. Merlin, I must have kept Lily awake for a week unloading my fears on to her. Then, when I finally worked up the courage to kiss you, I was even more terrified.”</p><p>Albus chuckled in a self depreciative sort of way. “Do you have any idea how mortifying it is to owl your big brother to have him send you books on how gay sex works?” </p><p>Scorpius gave a watery snort. “You didn’t.” </p><p>“I did,” Albus admitted. He smiled then, and for the first time in a while, it actually met his eyes. “I would prove it to you, but after memorising each one, I burned them all and took a blood oath to swear James to secrecy.” </p><p>“Okay, you definitely didn’t do that!” </p><p>“Nah.” Albus' grin wobbled a bit. “I was nervous though. I knew I cared about you. I knew I wanted to be with you. But I had no idea <i>how</i> to be with you. So I just… well, this is embarrassing... ” He looked down shamefully. Scorpius' heart clinched. “I just did the soppy shite my dad does for my mum and if it made you smile, I kept doing it. And with sex, I think I knew deep down that you wanted something more. I just didn’t want to admit that I wasn’t confident enough in myself for that yet. All this time I thought I was making you happy, but I was too blinded by my own happinesses to see that you were miserable.”</p><p>“No.” Scorpius placed a hand on Albus’ cheek and gently lifted his face. “I’ve not been miserable. Albie, you’ve made me happier than I ever imagined I could be. You’re tender and thoughtful. You’re so kind. None of this is your fault.”</p><p>Scorpius pulled away then, scrubbing his hands over his face. There was so much more he wanted to say, but once again, the words were jumbling up in his brain, incoherent and noisy. He bit down on his lip hard, clearing the doubt from his mind. It took him a second, but soon enough, he pushed through his insecurities. “I didn’t really feel like I was good enough for you.” </p><p>Albus opened his mouth to protest, but Scorpius held up a hand to silence him. He needed to get it all out now, before he lost his nerve. “It was easy for me to believe all the things Quinn said because I already believed them. I’ve never cared that people think I look like a girl.” Scorpius laughed a little. “I like the way I look. I just didn’t want it to be the only reason <i>you</i> liked me. It’s stupid, outdated thinking, I know.” </p><p>“It’s not stupid, Scor. In some ways, it’s true. Or at least, it was.” Albus turned away, fidgeting with the sleeve of his jumper. Scorpius felt himself tense up at the unexpected admission. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear his fears confirmed, but it was too late now. All he could do was listen, and hope that his heart could handle whatever Albus was about to say.</p><p>“Do you remember the first night you tutored me?”</p><p>Scorpius nodded, not trusting himself to speak. That had been the start of everything. The beginnings of a budding crush that had ultimately brought them here, together. </p><p>“It was the first time I’d ever seen you without your school robes on. You were wearing that soft blue jumper of yours, you know the one I like so much.” Scorpius remembered, it was cashmere, but Albus had always (adorably) referred to it as ‘the soft one’. They’d since destroyed it, because Al tugged it too hard during a particularly memorable night of marathon-style fucking when they returned to school at the start of seventh year.</p><p>“You had your eyes done in that little swoopy thing you do sometimes and I couldn’t stop staring at them. Were they blue, grey, some sort of kaleidoscope combination of the two?” Pausing to look into Scorpius’ eyes, Albus smiled reminiscently. “Now, I know that they change with the light and the colour of the clothes you wear,” he said. He went to reach out, then stopped himself. “That was the night that I started falling in love with you. I don’t know, baby. I can promise you that I’ve never once thought of you as anything other than the sweetest, sexiest boy I’ve ever seen. But how can I honestly look at you and promise that those things weren’t part of the reason I noticed you?”</p><p>And that was the truth, laid bare. </p><p>“You can’t, and I can’t ask you to.” Scorpius took Albus by the arm, pulling him up so that they were lying face to face. Albus came willingly, tucking one arm under the pillow and wrapping the other loosely around Scorpius’ waist. </p><p>They laid there with their foreheads pressed together in silence for a while. So much had been revealed. Possibly too much, but somehow, Scorpius felt better than he had in weeks. There was a newfound sense of clarity that had gone unspoken before. Albus was attracted to Scorpius’ femininity, he’d admitted it. But not once had he ever purposefully suppressed Scorpius’ masculine qualities. If he hadn’t embraced them, it was only because Scorpius had been too self-conscious to show them. </p><p>“I never told you that I can fly.”</p><p>Any tension that was left in the room shattered. Albus’ smile nearly touched his ears when he replied, “Better than me?” </p><p>Scorpius poked him in the stomach, eliciting a gorgeous laugh from his boyfriend. “Not fair!” he returned. “I didn’t mean that.”</p><p>“Oh, yes you did,” Albus fired back humorously. “And now you have to prove it!”</p><p>They both laughed, moving even closer together. Albus buried his head into Scorpius’ neck and entwined their legs, holding on as if he never wanted to let go. “Are we going to be okay?” he whispered.</p><p>Scorpius pressed a kiss into his hair. “Yeah,” Scorpius breathed. “We’re okay.”</p><p>“I love you.” </p><p>“I love you too.” Scorpius meant it with every fiber of his being. He loved Albus Potter, and whether he deserved it or not, Albus loved him back unequivocally. In spite of all odds, They were meant for this.</p>
<hr/><p>They kept talking as the night weaned on, moving to lighter topics and simply enjoying one another's company. It was such a relief to just <i>be there</i> together.</p><p>As the light began to fade outside of the window, it occurred to Scorpius that he should probably close and spell his curtains. His dormmates would surely be along soon enough, likely only having stayed away this long at Archie’s request. He turned to collect his wand from the bedside table and was met with the little package still sitting there. </p><p>“Do I get to open my gift now?” Scorpius asked, before pushing past Albus and grabbing hold of it. </p><p>Out of nowhere, Albus’ hands snaked their way around his waist and tugged him back onto the bed. “No,” he cried as he took the parcel from Scorpius and made a fruitless attempt to hide it behind his back. </p><p>Utterly confused, Scorpius raised an eyebrow skeptically. “No?” </p><p>Albus’ eyes went up and to the right, a clear indication that he was searching his mind for a lie. “I sent this by mistake. It’s supposed to be for Lils. I’ll just hang on to it shall I? We can give it to her later.” Albus was a terrible liar. </p><p>“For Lily, huh?” Scorpius gave Albus a reproachful look. “What’s the occasion?”</p><p>“Birth—.” Lily’s birthday was in June, which he seemed to recall quickly. “—mas. I meant Christmas!” </p><p>Scorpius stuck his hand out, palm up, and waited with a smug smile tugging at his lips. There was no need for him to point out all the things wrong with the obvious fib, the shimmery pink paper alone was a dead give away that this was no Christmas gift. That, and the little tag that read <i>‘Sweetheart.’</i></p><p>Albus went puce. “Okay, fine, it was for you. But I don’t think you’ll want it now. It’s er— well, it’s a bit girly,” he admitted, shamefaced. “And after all the things we just talked about…” </p><p>This, of course, only served to spark Scorpius’ curiosity further. Afterall, he loved girly things, evidenced by his top-of-the-line collection of colour palettes. He wanted the gift even more now. Could it be the black lacey knickers he’d hinted at a few months prior? </p><p>“Hand it over,” he demanded, holding back his increasing anticipation. “If I don’t like it, we can forget all about it. Promise.” </p><p>Albus nodded apprehensively as he dropped it into Scorpius’ outstretched hand. He didn’t speak while Scorpius carefully unwrapped it, revealing a small pink bottle. </p><p>Scorpius’ heart stilled in his chest. It was a vial of Muggle perfume. <i>In Bloom</i>, the label read. </p><p>“I know it’s ladies perfume,” Albus rushed to explain, sounding panicked. “But I was thinking about… do you remem—”</p><p>Scorpius surged forward, cutting Albus off with an enthusiastic kiss. He remembered, alright. How could he forget? It was only a month after school had let out for summer hols, and both Albus and Scorpius had been begging their apprehensive fathers for a proper date. It was all so new then, but Harry and Draco had eventually caved, allowing the two of them to spend a day in Muggle London unchaperoned. Everything had been going perfectly; lunch at a cafe, a stroll through the park, ice cream at a much too fancy parlor. That was until Albus dragged Scorpius into a busy shopping mall, eager to get a glimpse of a new gaming console for sale. His Godbrother Teddy was an expert, Albus had claimed, annoyingly impossible to beat. </p><p>On the way, they’d passed through a large boutique filled with products of all varieties. Creams, lotions, designer scents; all things that made Scorpius’ skin tingle with excitement. But rather than eagerly perusing the glass encased displays, Scorpius had bit his tongue, pretending he wasn’t interested. </p><p>Then suddenly, a shop attendant appeared before them and spritzed them heavily with a flowery scent. Before either of them knew what was happening, they were choking; covered in <i>In Bloom</i>. </p><p>They’d laughed the whole thing off, and that night—after sneaking into Scorpius’ room at Malfoy Manor—the two of them had made love for the first time. They awkwardly shed their clothes, frotting together with the level of inexperience one might expect from a couple of clueless, randy teenagers, and all they could smell was that bloody perfume lingering on their skin. </p><p>Scorpius sprayed a bit onto his wrist before putting it aside and pulling Albus close. It smelled like happiness, first times, and joy. A perfectly brewed Amortentia couldn’t compare. </p><p>“I love it,” he whispered into the shell of Albus’ ear. </p><p>Albus shuttered as Scorpius’ hand slipped underneath his jumper. “Yeah?” </p><p>“Yeah. I think a reenactment is in order.” </p><p>They were much less clumsy this time, promptly undressing one another with well practised ease. Their communication skills might leave something to be desired, but they were experts at this. It wasn’t long before Albus’ lean body was stretched over Scorpius, their cocks rubbing together deliciously. Merlin, Scorpius had missed this. “Want you to fuck me, baby,” he moaned. “Please.” </p><p>Albus chuckled lightly into the crook of Scorpius’ neck. “Actually,” he said quietly. “I thought we might try something different.” He leaned back so that their eyes met. Despite the obvious desire in his expression, there was something like apprehension there as well. “I... I thought that since you were so honest with me, I should be honest with you as well.” </p><p>Panic quickly rose in Scorpius’ chest. His mind went back to the night in the Quidditch stands. Was Albus worried about being hurt again? The mere thought triggered an ache deep in his heart. He needed to reassure his boyfriend, make him understand that nothing like that would ever happen again. </p><p>But before he could speak, Albus blurted out incoherently, “Ibottatoy.” </p><p>“Come again?” Scorpius asked, unsure if he’d heard correctly. </p><p>Albus sighed. Sitting up, he pulled Scorpius along with him until they were sitting cross legged across from each other. Albus was blushing like mad, but he appeared somewhat more determined now. “I bought a toy,” he repeated firmly. “A sex toy.”</p><p>Scorpius was at a loss. Although the idea of toys wasn’t the least bit unwelcomed, this wasn’t what he’d been expecting at all. “What sort of toy?” </p><p>Albus took a breath, as if to compose himself before he continued. “A dildo. Nothing fancy, mind you. Just something to practice with. So that I wouldn’t be scared when we... you know. I should have told you, but I was embarrassed. I was worried that you would be put off if I told you how nervous I was about it. You weren’t nervous at all the first time.”  </p><p>It was then that Scorpius began to understand what Albus was trying to say. “You’ve been practicing penetration with a dildo so that you wouldn’t be afraid to do it with me?” </p><p>Albus gave a shy little nod and Scorpius’ body temperature rose to what could only be described as feverish levels. <i>‘Something different,’</i> he’d said. </p><p>Albus was admitting to being nervous about bottoming for the first time, but it couldn’t possibly equate to the sheer terror Scorpius felt at the thought of topping. He honestly hadn’t thought that Albus was interested in switching roles, and now, he realised that on a subconscious level, he’d been comforted by that. “And you’re saying that you want me to…” Scorpius trailed off.</p><p>Albus took his shaking hand and placed a kiss into his palm, breathing in the scent of the perfume on his wrist. “I’m saying I’m ready. I want you to fuck me, Scor.” </p><p>Scorpius might have been ebbing on the brink of an anxiety attack, but evidently his dick didn’t get the memo. It sprang to attention the moment the words fell from Albus lips and Scorpius let out an involuntary moan.</p><p>Noticing this, Albus grinned wickedly. “Is that a yes?” </p><p>“Fuck,” Scorpius hissed in response. </p><p>“That’s the general idea.” Albus rushed forward, capturing Scorpius’ lips in a searing kiss. </p><p>The nerves subsided a bit as the two of them melted into one another. This, at least, was familiar territory. They continued to kiss languidly, Albus’ hands roaming down Scorpius chest and stomach until he reached the jut of his hip bone. He gripped it tight, and without warning, flipped them over so that he was laid out on his back with Scorpius between his bent legs. </p><p>“Is this okay?” he asked. “I know it’ll be easier on my knees, but I want to be able to see you.” </p><p>A loud voice in the back of Scorpius’ mind called out, <i>‘no!’</i> as a rush of unease set in again. Rationally, Scorpius knew that no matter what position Albus was in, he’d likely experience some level of pain. It was inevitable for your first time. But the reality didn’t stop Scorpius’ heart from sinking at the prospect. He couldn’t bear the thought of hurting Albus, not one little bit... </p><p><i>‘Oh.’</i> Realisation crashed upon Scorpius.. </p><p>This—the way he was feeling right now—was how Albus must have felt every time they’d had sex before. The over-abundance of care, the undue gentleness, the hyper-fixation on Scorpius’ comfort… Scorpius felt it all now. “Can we go slow?” </p><p>There was no mistaking the look of relief on Albus’ face. “Yeah. Let’s go slow.”</p>
<hr/><p>Scorpius woke just before the sunrise. It was impossibly warm, wrapped in the cocoon that was Albus Potter's lead-like limbs smothering him in the sheets. His own legs felt like jelly, yet he’d never been more content. </p><p>For a foggy moment, he contemplated staying there forever. Surely there was nothing outside of his four poster bed as appealing as Al’s naked body pressed against his own, or his soft snores tickling Scorpius’ cheek. Unfortunately, he’d forgotten to remove the mascara from his lashes the night before, and a clump of the dried remains was scratching his eye enough to hurt. So, as carefully as always, Scorpius slipped out of bed. </p><p>He was halfway to the bathroom when the realisation hit him. They’d stayed the night in Gryffindor tower!!</p><p>Panic washed over him as Scorpius looked back at Albus, still sleeping, and then back to the door of the bathroom. Beyond that door was everything he’d kept hidden from Al. Dozens of creams, lotions, masks, and scrubs were piled neatly on the cabinet vanity. Bath bombs, hair removal potions—and a particularly embarrassing Muggle tool that Scorpius used to trim his nose hairs—would be out, <i>in plain sight.</i> </p><p>The labels practically screamed at anyone who stepped inside: Colour Preserving Shampoo for Blonde, Pore Tightening &amp; Refining Gel, Ultra Hydrating Foot Cream… <i>Callus Remover</i> </p><p>A tight lump rose in Scorpius’ throat—<i>oh God!</i>  He’d been so careful to keep these things away from Albus. He couldn’t possibly allow him to see them now, just after they’d made up. </p><p>There was nothing for it, Scorpius would have to vanish it… <i> all of it.</i>  Hundreds of Galleons worth of products lost was a small price to pay to save himself the humiliation of—no! He couldn’t do that and risk walking around with an oily nose and stubble on his chin until the new orders came in. </p><p>Perhaps he could set off a dung bomb in the dorms, clearing them out before Albus had a chance to stumble into the bathroom for a morning pee? His dormmates would surely jinx him to hell for it, but it would be worth it. Scorpius recalled the time he’d accidentally spilled stink sap on Roger in third year and had to walk around with pink hair for a week as revenge. He shuddered. Maybe not. </p><p>Then, it hit him. <i>Undetectable extension charm!</i> He would cast it on one of his makeup bags and throw everything in. It was a perfect plan. Scorpios could save face—literally—and Albus would never have to know that the perfectly manicured hair surrounding Scorpius dick (the same dick that had been buried deep into his arse the night before) wasn’t at all natural.   </p><p>Scorpius desperately needed to find his wand. </p><p>“Good morning, baby.” Warm hands slid slowly around Scorpius’ waist, encompassing him in Albus’ scent. “What are you doing just standing here?” </p><p>
  <i>Bloody Hell!</i>
</p><p>“Come back to bed,” Al whispered, gently pressing kisses along Scorpius’ neck. </p><p>Swallowing hard to calm his nerves, Scorpius leaned back into the embrace briefly before stepping away. “I’ll be back in a minute,” he said without turning around. Merlin forbid Albus see his face right now, eyes red and scratchy with mascara smudged around them. Despite everything they’d laid out the night before, he still wasn’t ready for that. “I just need a quick shower.” </p><p>“That sounds amazing.” Albus sighed contentedly. “I’m going to need a long soak to sit my broom tomorrow. Let's go to the prefect’s bath.” </p><p>The Prefects bath—he’d fantasized about taking Albus there often—but he couldn’t bathe in front of Albus! He’d be raw, completely bare! Surely the remnants of concealer on his face now were better than nothing at all. Once that was washed away, it would just be Scorpius, in all of his understated, un-impressiveness. Albus would see Scorpius for what he really was, and this time, he would know that Scorpius wasn’t ill or simply having an off day.</p><p>“I don’t—” The words were lost on his lips. Albus had already pushed past him, moving towards the bathroom, where Scorpius’ incriminating vanity loomed. The jig, as they say, was up. </p><p>Tentatively, Scorpius followed Albus. He paused to linger in the doorway as his boyfriend walked directly up to his private vanity, passing the others without a glance, and stopped in front of the mirror. Then, something strange happened. </p><p>Albus picked up a portable bath caddy and without missing a beat, turned to Scorpius. “What do you need, babe?” </p><p>Scorpius went breathless. Albus was stood there, looking sex-tossed and sleepy. The corners of his eyes were crusty. There were pillow lines across his cheek and his hair was matted horribly to one side. He was gorgeous, smiling like nothing out of the ordinary was happening.</p><p>Responding in the only way he could, Scorpius walked right up to Albie and kissed him hard on the mouth. He poured everything he had into that kiss; all of the relief, the broken tension, his overwhelming love for the man in his arms. </p><p>He finally understood that Albus wasn’t perfect, and as such, had never expected Scorpius to be either. Albus didn’t give two shits about his products, or his designer clothes, or even the stubble scraping his skin as they enthusiastically snogged against the bathroom sink—morning breath be damned. </p><p>“Sweet Salazar,” Albus panted, pulling away just enough that their lips were still grazing. “What do you do to me, Scor?” </p><p>“Whatever you do to each other, I’d thank you not to do it in the loos.” </p><p>They sprang apart, looking up to find Archie leaning in the doorway with a smug expression. Jenny was hovering behind him, dressed in an old pair of Archie’s pajamas. Albus turned crimson and quickly covered the erection that his white pants were failing to conceal. Scorpius grinned.</p><p>“We were just on our way out,” he said happily, giving Archie a wink. It seemed that he wasn’t the only one who’d had an exceptionally good night.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Huge thanks to Lennie, Jenny, and Natasha for helping me with this fic! It's been a long time in the making and I appreciate all of you for cheering me on! (Especially in the past few days as I've been such a nuisance 😄.)</p><p>Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated! I'm not really sure how this one is going to be received because some parts are written much better than others imo.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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